I don't know how to swim.
Oh I really wish that I could!
There's a hole in my boat,
it'll no longer float,
and I'm out on a lake in the wood.
I found a golden lamp
containing a magical jinn.
My wife snatched it from me
and said with sly grin:

Click "Read More" to finish "A Wife's Three Wishes"

How many stars are there
way out in space?
I think I'll try counting.
Let's make it a race!

You take the left sky,
I'll take the right.
We'll get 'em all counted
by the end of the night.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 . . .
Oh, forget it.
Out in the sea by the bay
there swam a snorkeling bloke.
A small fishy jumped up
and fell down the snorkel;
the poor swimmer began to choke.

The swimmer blew out like a whale;
out the snorkel the fish shot like a rocket.
When the man was done snorkeling
and stood on the shore,
the fish landed 'Plop!' in his pocket.
Bees can make golden sweet honey,
and can also give mean nasty stings.
The tongue is quite like
the dual-natured bee:
it can say sweet or mean stinging things.

Before the tongue utters its word
the thought takes its form in the mind.
The thought has its start
deep in the heart.
The heart can be mean or be kind.

It is good to hold back mean words.
It's better to never think ill.
But with effort and patience
you can do what is best
and train your heart what to feel.
A dragon! A dragon!
Is drinking from my flagon!
He snitched it fast
as I rode on past,
traveling in my wagon.

My fork! My fork!
Was stolen by a stork!
He nabbed it with his beak,
that conniving little sneak.
Now how shall I ever eat pork?

My spoon! My spoon!
Was taken by a goon!
With long grabby fingers
he took it, by jingers!
Then flew away back to the moon.

Oh how shall I eat?
And how shall I drink?
They stole my cup, fork, and spoon.
Oh! Never mind.
They were here the whole time!
I guess I should never assume.
Kites in the sky, see how they fly!
They loop and they twirl,
they swoop and they swirl.

Clouds rushing by, ever so high!
Please answer this thing:
why don't they need string?
There once was a creature
who lived in the jungle,
and ate naught but dried up old leaves.
He was skinny and green,
and never was seen
eating leaves fresh off the trees.

Click "Read More" to finish "How the Turtle Got His Shell"

My wife screams “A spider!”
and I'm quickly beside her,
with shoe ready to fend off the bug.
I hold my hand ready
and move slowly and steady:
'Slap' it lay curled on the rug.

My wife buries her head,
I proclaim “It is dead.
And with shoe I shall always defend you.”
Then I pick up the body
'Flush' it goes down the potty.
There's nothing a husband can't do.

My son makes a noise
as he plays with his toys,
and it's not from his mouth the noise comes.
Then up reeks a smell
and I shout and I yell
louder than timpani drums.

Up charges my wife
afraid for my life,
“Dear, it's only a dirty diaper!”
In a minute or two
my son is fresh and anew.
Oh there's nothing a wife cannot do!
I'm going to plant a garden
out in the rich brown soil.
I'll watch all my precious plants grow
without much effort or toil.

I shan't have to worry 'bout watering;
the rain clouds will give what we need.
I shan't have to worry 'bout sunlight;
on gold rays will all the plants feed.

I'll sit on the porch and admire
as sweet fruit arises from seeds.
I'll laugh and feel jolly till I realize my folly,
and spend half the day pulling weeds.