Old 'One-Eyed Jack'
was a weathered ol' chap
with a rough stony face
and a beard,
an old tattered scabbard
a blunt-barreled gun,
and a reputation
widespread and feared.

A hook for a hand,
a wood peg for a leg,
a ship
and a scabrous crew.
A scraggly pet parrot
on a feathered brim hat,
and his teeth all a missin'
'cept two.

'One-Eyed Jack' had a secret
he most cleverly kept:
in truth, 'One-Eyed Jack'
had two eyes.
But to stop other pirates
from pokin' 'em out,
he used name and patch
as a 'guise.

Burping and slurping
is strictly forbidden!
Mind your manners.
Keep flatulence hidden!

No jumping on furniture.
Don't blow bubbles when drinking.
Stop horsing around!
Sit up straight, quit your slinking!

Well, if being an adult
means this kind of fret,
I don't think I'll grow up,
at least not quite yet.

The dragon picked at his teeth
with a bone from the shin of the thief
who felt ever so bold
and tried to steal gold
from the treasure heaped up in the heath.

Along came a noble night riding
who had an aversion to fighting;
he spied the winged beast
and the beast's roast-thief-feast
and decided to sneak away hiding.

But alas, a keen sense of smell
served the dragon so well
that he sniffed out the knight,
and without any fight,
swallowed him, sword, shield, and mail.

Rapunzel the fair
let down her long hair
when two men came up a riding.
“Let's settle this square,
there's two of us here,
but no good will come out of fighting.”

“What I propose
is that each of us goes
up separate braids to the top.
Thus the fastest man here
wins the maiden up there.
Fair warning: I will not stop!”

So they climbed neck-in-neck;
they both looked quite a wreck
after hours of rigorous working.
The second man paused;
the first wondered what caused
the second man's devilish smirking.

Said the second man now,
as he wiped off his brow,
“I admit, you are the stronger one.
But bronze can't out muscle
a clever brain in a tussle!”
'Snip snip' and the first man was done.

Sarah Sue was a girl who
was pretty just on the outside.
Leila Lou was pretty too,
especially on the inside.

Billy McGee had eyes to see
that saw only as far as the surface.
Tommy Joe had eyes also,
which saw to the heart of a person.

So Sarah and Billy got married,
and Leila and Tommy were wed.
Both pairs were well matched
and equally yoked,
and here is what they all said:

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