You have heard the classic fable
from the philosopher named Aesop;
how the slow and steady tortoise
trumped the bunny's speedy hop.

'Tis indeed no more than a fable,
for I watched the entire race.
How old Aesop tells the story
isn't quite how it took place.

Click "Read More" to finish "Tortoise and Hare: The True Version"

Fergy the frog
sits on his log
catching some bugs for his lunch.
His long sticky tongue
strikes like a snake,
sticks to a beetle, and “Crunch!”

There goes a bee
buzzing on by.
“Crack!” like a whip goes the tongue.
The bee frantically buzzes.
There's a snap and a gulp.
Fergy's fast; his tongue is not stung.

A spider creeps
across the ground;
eight legs working a mile a minute.
Out shoots the tongue
from Fergy's big mouth;
in an instant, the spider is in it.

“There's nothing,” boasts Fergy,
“faster than I.
Just try me, I'll catch you, you'll see!”
Then out hops a frog
from behind Fergy's log.
Upon seeing her, Fergy's smitten instantly.

Click "Read More" to finish "Fergy's Tale"

There once was a wealthy, well-to-do mouse
who lived in a hole in a wall in a house.
He kept a store of finely aged cheese,
like cheddar, swiss, havarti and bri.

One day for a feast he ate every last bit.
Now, back out of his hole he could not quite fit.
That fattened plump mouse tried to chew a new hole,
but as he ate through he continued to grow.

Click "Read More" to finish "A Cheesy Tale"

The cowboy holstered his gun.
“Bang!” he heard his gun shoot.
Unfortunately for the cowboy,
it was pointed right at his boot.

The cowboy mounted his horse;
the horse bolted a little too soon.
The cowboy flew from the saddle
and landed on a cactus in bloom.

The cowboy needed to cool down,
so he went for a swim in the lake.
Unfortunately for the cowboy,
so did a rattlin' snake.

The cowboy gave up his job ranchin'
to retire to a life of ease.
He sat on his porch sippin' lemonade
when along came a swarm of bees . . .
I found a golden lamp
containing a magical jinn.
My wife snatched it from me
and said with sly grin:

Click "Read More" to finish "A Wife's Three Wishes"

Out in the sea by the bay
there swam a snorkeling bloke.
A small fishy jumped up
and fell down the snorkel;
the poor swimmer began to choke.

The swimmer blew out like a whale;
out the snorkel the fish shot like a rocket.
When the man was done snorkeling
and stood on the shore,
the fish landed 'Plop!' in his pocket.
There once was a creature
who lived in the jungle,
and ate naught but dried up old leaves.
He was skinny and green,
and never was seen
eating leaves fresh off the trees.

Click "Read More" to finish "How the Turtle Got His Shell"

My wife screams “A spider!”
and I'm quickly beside her,
with shoe ready to fend off the bug.
I hold my hand ready
and move slowly and steady:
'Slap' it lay curled on the rug.

My wife buries her head,
I proclaim “It is dead.
And with shoe I shall always defend you.”
Then I pick up the body
'Flush' it goes down the potty.
There's nothing a husband can't do.

My son makes a noise
as he plays with his toys,
and it's not from his mouth the noise comes.
Then up reeks a smell
and I shout and I yell
louder than timpani drums.

Up charges my wife
afraid for my life,
“Dear, it's only a dirty diaper!”
In a minute or two
my son is fresh and anew.
Oh there's nothing a wife cannot do!
The dragon picked at his teeth
with a bone from the shin of the thief
who felt ever so bold
and tried to steal gold
from the treasure heaped up in the heath.

Along came a noble night riding
who had an aversion to fighting;
he spied the winged beast
and the beast's roast-thief-feast
and decided to sneak away hiding.

But alas, a keen sense of smell
served the dragon so well
that he sniffed out the knight,
and without any fight,
swallowed him, sword, shield, and mail.
Rapunzel the fair
let down her long hair
when two men came up a riding.
“Let's settle this square,
there's two of us here,
but no good will come out of fighting.”

“What I propose
is that each of us goes
up separate braids to the top.
Thus the fastest man here
wins the maiden up there.
Fair warning: I will not stop!”

So they climbed neck-in-neck;
they both looked quite a wreck
after hours of rigorous working.
The second man paused;
the first wondered what caused
the second man's devilish smirking.

Said the second man now,
as he wiped off his brow,
“I admit, you are the stronger one.
But bronze can't out muscle
a clever brain in a tussle!”
'Snip snip' and the first man was done.