I'm building me a fort today!
I've gathered all my supplies.
For pillars, I'm using kitchen chairs.
For ropes, I'm using Dad's ties.

For walls, I'm using Mom's bedding.
For stakes, I've stacked sister's books.
I need to hurry and build this fort
before anybody looks.
My wife screams “A spider!”
and I'm quickly beside her,
with shoe ready to fend off the bug.
I hold my hand ready
and move slowly and steady:
'Slap' it lay curled on the rug.

My wife buries her head,
I proclaim “It is dead.
And with shoe I shall always defend you.”
Then I pick up the body
'Flush' it goes down the potty.
There's nothing a husband can't do.

My son makes a noise
as he plays with his toys,
and it's not from his mouth the noise comes.
Then up reeks a smell
and I shout and I yell
louder than timpani drums.

Up charges my wife
afraid for my life,
“Dear, it's only a dirty diaper!”
In a minute or two
my son is fresh and anew.
Oh there's nothing a wife cannot do!
I'm going to plant a garden
out in the rich brown soil.
I'll watch all my precious plants grow
without much effort or toil.

I shan't have to worry 'bout watering;
the rain clouds will give what we need.
I shan't have to worry 'bout sunlight;
on gold rays will all the plants feed.

I'll sit on the porch and admire
as sweet fruit arises from seeds.
I'll laugh and feel jolly till I realize my folly,
and spend half the day pulling weeds.
Burping and slurping
is strictly forbidden!
Mind your manners.
Keep flatulence hidden!

No jumping on furniture.
Don't blow bubbles when drinking.
Stop horsing around!
Sit up straight, quit your slinking!

Well, if being an adult
means this kind of fret,
I don't think I'll grow up,
at least not quite yet.
Sarah Sue was a girl who
was pretty just on the outside.
Leila Lou was pretty too,
especially on the inside.

Billy McGee had eyes to see
that saw only as far as the surface.
Tommy Joe had eyes also,
which saw to the heart of a person.

So Sarah and Billy got married,
and Leila and Tommy were wed.
Both pairs were well matched
and equally yoked,
and here is what they all said:

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